focused on me.
this year I’ve decided to be selfish, to focus on personal growth, and to really just do what I have to do to be happy. *yes this means Arnold as well, he is my light and partner through this all in case you’re reading and you’re like ‘ohmygod she’s just so selfish in a relationship’ – that’s not the case*
for the past million years of my life, I have done a lot of things for other people like volunteering for many organizations and even doing commissioned family photos. yes, these are GOOD things and helpful things and things that helped me pay my bills, but SO MUCH SO that I forgot to pay attention to myself. forgot to love myself and really grow comfortable in the body and place that I am. I suppose that’s half of the reason Arnold and I left for Colorado; we wanted to get away from people who were constantly expecting and asking things of us and get away from the feeling where we had to be doing something important and beneficial to others in order to live a full life.
just being out west for *GASP* about five months now, I have realized that it’s okay to be selfish. it’s okay to say no. it’s okay to put everything and everyone on hold to gather what you need in yourself and feel happy. maybe that comes with age. I am realizing that I don’t have to be active in the community and constantly be doing things for people or trying to make a change for the better to be content with life. I have Arnold, our cats, a safe home to keep us warm and sheltered, hobbies, money in the bank, and the beautiful world at my fingertips. when I think about this, my life is already full and happy.
so with all of this, my goals this year are to have no goals. they’re to just be happy and focus on myself and arnold and what really matters – quit doing things for other people and do what I need to do to be me. <3