worries.

by chelseakyaw

Becoming a mother is very scary and very exciting at the same time. I am a natural worrier, and as a person, I tend to prepare myself for all situations before they happen and perhaps create extra worries that I don’t need to focus on (yet).

What do I worry about? OH EVERYTHING – will my child have health defects, am I able to carry full term, what would be the best birth plan for me, how do i stick up for myself for comments i don’t agree with, am i saving enough money, am i meant to be a mother? AND THE LIST GOES ON.

Everyone has their own opinion – I respect that – but I also respect that people think differently than me and I feel that I deserve the same respect. Since sharing my pregnancy news with the world, there have been many people who have felt “entitled” in sharing their opinions with me and making me feel guilty that I don’t feel the same. I suppose that comes with the territory, but I need to learn to not let that affect me. As a mother, I should be strong and teach Forest that he will come face-to-face with issues like this, and it is best to let people be and be respectful. There are also people coming to me with their advice (that I don’t agree with) and when I don’t partake in this advice, I’m a terrible person.

Things I don’t like – people commenting on my weight. Some people say “you can’t be that pregnant, you don’t look big enough” – That makes me feel like I’m not carrying my baby right. Other people have made comments on how “pudgy” and “chubby” and “big” I look. I know, there will be comments, but for one second, maybe think about how that might make someone feel. Weight comments are never appropriate, and some people seem to think that my carrying a baby leaves me open for things like that.

The BEST part about carrying Forest (other than having little Forest in my arms after my birth) is that people have come to me with their own stories/stresses/excitements. I love knowing that people can share their stories with me before other people and that they feel I am a safe place! To those of you who have reached out with your own news, thank you. Thank you for sharing with me and including me in your private moments. I also love the other mothers in this world who have reached out to me with open arms, as if to invite me into this wonderful club that they have been a part of and experienced.

Although I am not halfway through my pregnancy, I think about how things will be after Forest is born. A lot. The thought of sharing him after 40 weeks as a unit is breaking my heart. My thoughts on this are very disorganized (and maybe a lot of people don’t agree with them, but again they are my own) or perhaps not yet fully developed. After I give birth to my little boy, my hopes are to gradually and privately enjoy my new family – as a family of three. For at least a few weeks, I want to heal and become a mother while Arnold becomes a father and bond with our baby privately. This means, I have decided to limit the involvement with others as a way to mentally, physically, and spiritually cope with our new life changes. This does not mean that I will not reach out for help and advice or share photos (DUH), but in order to process this, Arnold and I have decided that we need to experience these intimate moments as just us.