identity.

by chelseakyaw

Being pregnant is such a weird, beautiful, frustrating, exhausting, exciting, **INSERT 8MILLION ADJECTIVES HERE** – it’s the best most craziest thing I’ll ever do, aside from raise my son!

BEFORE I begin, I feel like I should preface by saying that this “identity” issue does not take away from my focus on my son – it just means I am trying to figure out a good balance. I am not jealous. I am not selfish. I just am dealing with this.

where do I begin on this subject… about identity? I should start by saying that I really REALLY REALLY don’t like being the center of attention (anyway), but after announcing my pregnancy, I have felt a bit like I am just a vessel that is harboring a life. Strangers, friends, everyone – all want to chat with me about… you guessed it! BABY.  I wouldn’t necessarily say that I am struggling with this, but it has been something that has been causing me to feel a bit… lost. I’m still Chelsea – I still like and love the same things (and I still hate the same things, too, don’t worry!) – but instead there’s a new little life growing inside of me. It’s just an add on, like a bonus or a little bit extra.

HOWEVER, it can make one feel like they don’t matter. Thankfully, I am with the most loving, caring, thoughtful, attentive, and sweetest man in the whole world. He cares about ME and we live our life at home as much as we can… normally. This doesn’t mean we neglect the baby, this doesn’t mean we don’t think about him 25/7… but we still focus on each other and he still makes me feel like I’m Chelsea, just growing a Forest.

Here are a few things that people have said to me to make me feel this way, by the way. I mean, this just didn’t come out of nowhere.

  1. It’s not about you anymore, stop thinking about yourself and remember it’s all about your baby now.
  2. You better enjoy things for now, because once your baby is born, no one will care that you exist.

These things have been said to me by people who are close to me in my life. It’s upsetting. It hurts. Let us be clear – I think that it’s important to focus on myself for about 40 weeks total because if I’m not doing well, then the life inside of me isn’t either. Also, why am i defending my thoughts so much? :P

So, for those of you out there – here are some things that I’ve thought about regarding how to interact with a pregnant lady when it comes to her being a real life normal person (disclaimer – yes, I realize most people do this out of the kindness of their heart and well-being, but I’m still allowed to share my thoughts):

  1. If you don’t normally talk to me, you really don’t need to come up to me EVERY DAY and go “how are you?” “how are you feeling?” “is everything okay?” – well… that’s sweet of you, it really is, but I’m fine. I mean, do you want to know, really? Or are you just reaching out because you think you have to… like carrying this baby is causing me to be this delicate piece of material that will shatter without your concern.
  2. Not every single conversation needs to bring up the baby – like, YES, I love talking about cute baby clothes and blah blah blah, but I’m not talking to you about what I’m going to do tomorrow with my husband because of anything regarding me being pregnant. Does that make sense? My heart 100% revolves around my baby, but right now as a pregnant woman, my life does not. I still do and say things for the simple fact that… I like to do it :)
  3. HORMONES ARE NOT THE REASON FOR WHAT I DO. I am pissed off because someone’s being an idiot, I am happy because it’s sunny out, you cannot keep saying “oh, it’s just the baby hormones” as if they’ve completely taken over my life and who I am… that’s just… ridiculous. I am still in control of myself.
  4. Just pretend that I’m still the person I was before I got pregnant. That would be cool. I really like when people can have normal conversations with me without having concern about my hormones, health, or when I’m going to eat because of the baby, or whatever.

I could go on… but that’s pretty much top right now. This is just me venting, because I am a rage-ful person in general (not because of hormones, and not any less because of hormones, haha). Any moms out there struggling to keep your identity but still feel like you’re not neglecting your child?