ten months.

by chelseakyaw

personality // i am fairly certain that people are born annoying and naughty and our jobs as parents are to keep the little people from turning into big annoying naughty people. this month we have definitely seen a lot of boundary pushing. he knows what the word NO means, but also likes to look at us like he’s the cutest and slowly do what we are telling him not to do. the word no also brings big fat crocodile tears which are slightly funny but also heartbreaking. Forest understands the words “no” and “kiss” and i think “food” and “more” and “kitty” – all words that are a big part of his life. he doesn’t say momma and dada anymore (it’s been a while) and is just an incoherent babble machine. he can also sign for “milk” pretty well (with some extra flailing and groaning but he gets his wants across well). he loves funny noises and faces and is the best little giggler ever. he lights up my whole day with his good moments but his whiny demeanor really wears on me. this month, he’s been the most clingy that he’s ever been. i kinda get the vibe that he has extreme separation anxiety and it’s geared mostly towards me. i NEED to be within his site or holding him.

stuff & things // so i briefly mentioned through an update in my nine month post that he’s not gaining “like he should be” – which basically means he’s not following a standardized curve. apparently his weight percentile for his age dropped from like 30 something to low 20 something. i could be off with the numbers but he didn’t gain much. his height is on track (for him. he’s still small) and he’s got a great sized head. this month has been quite the struggle do to constant doctor calls (i feel that’s a bit overbearing and had a few stern words for the doctor) and the doctor telling me to push bottles and food “just in case” i’m not offering what i should be. Forest can put. shit. down. he nurses and is gulping milk the whole time. my supply when out of the breast is great. i don’t pump well but we all know that’s not a great indication of supply. he eats everything – favorites this month being curry and crackers and yogurt. i really don’t want this to take up this whole post as it’s only a blip in his life right now, but for mommas going through similar things, they know how stressful it can be. i know deep in my heart (or hope) that my baby is strong and healthy but just tiny. he is happy and CHUBBY (i mean… he’s got rolls) and moving. oh yeah, he’s crawling now. with a damned purpose too. he’s on the go go GO and if he’s anything like his daddy, he will be a never ending supply of energy, a bottomless pit of food, but skinny AF. i’m just trying to teach myself early that Forest is not a statistic. he is not going to follow the directions of anything. since day one he has been his own person. maybe he will be one of those people that keep us guessing and sometimes that makes things hard, but my job as his momma is to do whatever i can to make him happy and healthy. little stats – wearing 9m clothes (some 12 month brands) and 3-6 shoes, still wearing thirsties size one cloth diapers, and is breastfeeding like a champion. i fear the day we wean him. he also has no teeth. for now. i also fear that day if the weaning doesn’t come first.

parents // i think this is one of those months where we have realized just how much we put the whole arnold and chelsea thing on hold. we honestly don’t have time with each other and we barely get time to ourselves that don’t include work or hygiene. it’s extremely exhausting and i’m sure some people would say we bring it upon ourselves by not letting anyone watch forest, and that’s probably slightly right. but i can’t. trusting people with a really clingy and dependent baby is really hard. the thing that gets me most worked up with having a “high-needs” or “dragon baby” as they call it, is that everyone thinks there’s something wrong with him or we’re doing something wrong. and as best as we can, we aren’t. he’s got no food issues, i’m not going to let him cry it out when his mental capacity won’t handle that, and if he just needs his momma and daddy a little more than other babies – fine. i’ll be there for him. the answers to him won’t be simply found by a book or googling and honestly – a lot of the advice we’ve gotten (whether it means well or not) is really demeaning to us as parents. YES we’ve tried that. no we don’t do this. yes i nurse him 100% and blah blah blah. just back off. we do what we do because it’s best for us. i give all that i have to this baby and still try to be a functioning wife and adult.

ugh. this month has been so hard. the only thing that gets me through sometimes is the hope that it pays off. i want a secure baby and if that means he’s basically stuck on me, then so be it. arnold and i will get time with each other someday and our Forest will be a capable child soon. I see a boy so independent that he doesn’t want my hugs and squeezes and kisses as much as he does now. And him being our only baby, i am soaking this in as much as i can. i know i’ve touched on this before, but being a parent is hard. the obstacles that come with figuring out a new person with communication issues is really hard but what’s harder is people trying to butt in and control our lives. we made it through christmas and the new years and are hoping that 2018 is drama free and all about us!!