Tag: photojournalism

ERICA + XAVIER • Motherhood / G-Tube Feeding

I started out this “project” with the impression and overall conclusion that it really didn’t matter HOW you fed your baby and that all that really mattered was that your baby was being fed and nourished. I also had preconceived notions that food makes babies happy regardless, and while that may still sorta be true, I learned something new with Erica & Xavier. Feeding through a g-tube – basically directly bringing the food into the stomach – doesn’t have the same feel-good vibes (or chemical & emotional reactions for you science people) that ingesting food through your mouth would. A g-tube removes the taste & smell aspect from feeding, which is simultaneously associating food with pleasure.

When Erica & her husband or caretakers feed Xavier, it’s GO time and time to make feeding fun! That means surrounding him with his best stuffed animal friends and toys for him to keep entertained while the tube is in. I also got to watch him enjoy some yummy frozen banana cubes – I could tell he was watching me closely, making sure I didn’t want in on his yummy snack ;) Thank you to Xavier and his lovely parents for letting me be my creep camera self during dinner time. I learned so much from hearing your story and hope others do too.

TELL ME A LITTLE ABOUT HOW YOU FEED YOUR BABY

Xavier is fed primarily by g-tube (gastrostomy tube). He was fed purely breast milk via tube until he was 6 months old. Unfortunately, I ran out of supply and had to start him on formula through the tube. During each feed we dip a pacifier in milk for him to taste what he is eating. He is also held and loved during every feed.

At almost the 10-month mark, he passed a swallow study with 100% normal swallow. Because he has never taken a bottle, it has caused sensory issues to Xavier for feeding. It will be harder for him to transition to eating orally because eating by mouth usually comes with being full and satisfied. He is now able to eat pureed/baby foods and it is a huge change for him. He is doing better every day and it has been fun to see what he likes and does not like. Loves avocado, chocolate and sugary foods. We have to incorporate a lot of play during oral feeds which is interesting. Anyways, tube feedings will continue until he is strong enough to consume an appropriate amount of food by mouth. We do not know how long that will be.

IS THIS THE WAY YOU HAD IMAGINED FEEDING YOUR BABY? TELL ME WHAT THAT LOOKED LIKE

Absolutely not, but who imagines having a super amazing, adorable, and loving medically fragile and complex child with a normal pregnancy?

My ideal situation was to breast feed through the first year.

HOW DID YOU HAPPEN TO SETTLE ON THIS METHOD OF FEEDING

We did not really have a choice to feed Xavier any other way as his respiratory system was not developed fully. He was fed by a nasogastric tube for about 8 weeks of his life. Long term nasogastric tubes (tube that goes from nose to stomach) come with a lot of risks: skin breakdown, risk for aspiration, etc. After someone is fed by a nasogastric tube for a while, health care professionals suggest a gastrostomy tube to be placed (surgical incision with a tube placed directly to the stomach). Children can go home with nasogastric tubes, but it is often frowned upon due to the risks. While it was very scary for us to sign for Xavier to have a fairly easy surgical procedure done, this was a step to bringing him home.

WHAT WERE YOUR THOUGHTS ON INFANT FEEDING BEFORE YOU BECAME A MOTHER?

Damn, formula is expensive.

People that gave me unwanted advice on breastfeeding when I was pregnant annoyed the shit out of me.

Society is still weird about breastfeeding. If you cannot, who cares? If you can do it, great. If you do not want to, whatever. C’mon people, its 2019.

HOW HAS FEEDING YOUR BABY THIS WAY MADE YOU A BETTER PERSON?

Feeding Xavier via g-tube was the only option we had to help him thrive. The g-tube helped bring Xavier home and this was vital for all of us. I also attached a machine to my breasts for six months and had a love/hate relationship with a breast pump- I would say that is dedication.

WHAT TYPES OF COMMENTS (GOOD AND BAD) HAVE LEFT AN IMPRESSION ON YOU?

Good:

“At least he is thriving with the g-tube and tube feedings.”

“Be proud of yourself to have been able to provide breast milk to your child for six months.”

“What an amazing day it will be for him to enjoy his first birthday cake!”

“Sleep and mental health are more important than worrying about breastfeeding.”

Bad:

“What if he never eats by mouth?’

“Is he ever going to eat by mouth?”

“Oh, he will be fine now that he’s eating by mouth and he will have that tube out in a few weeks!”

“How can you pump if he has never been able to actually breast feed?”

WHAT KIND OF ROLE HAS YOUR PARTNER PLAYED IN FEEDING YOUR BABY?

My husband has been supportive of my pumping, formula and tube feedings. He is not in the health care field and adjusted right away to feeding Xavier through g-tube. He is my rock and has been amazing through this entire feeding journey. From cleaning my pump pieces when I was tired, to showing others how to feed our child via g-tube- what a person!

ANY ADVICE FOR FUTURE MOMMAS?

Moms, however you feed your children be proud. I have high expectations for myself and through this experience as a new mom, I have noticed how often we take the little things for granted. Whether its breast milk, formula, tube feeding- at least they are thriving! You are doing a good job and you are a wonderful mom.

April 24, 2019
BRIT + IRIS • Motherhood / Breastfeeding

So if you’re caught up to date with my blog, you know that I’ve been slowly meeting with women and discussing their views on motherhood. Well, I wanted to focus a little bit more on FEEDING and how us mommas feed our babies. It’s one of those things where EVERYONE, mother or not, seems to have some kind of opinion on how babies should be fed and what’s best and blah blah BLAH. I thought, hmm. What better way to learn a little bit more about feeding babies than to listen & photograph a handful of mommas, all of whom feed their babies differently. I asked each momma the same questions and sat with them and talked while they fed their baby with intentions of showing what it’s like – no glitz & glam – to feed a baby.

The first momma I’d like to share with you is BRIT and her daughter IRIS. She and I became friends through another local momma and she’s volunteered to share a little bit about her journey with breastfeeding and why she nourishes Iris that way. If you’re a little uncomfortable with breastfeeding images, watch out when you’re scrolling. I came over to Brit’s house with my son, Forest (who’s “friends” with her little dude, Wyatt) for these photos and experienced what it’s like being around a nursing momma. My son was also breastfed with an occasional bottle of formula and pumping here and there – Let me tell you what – when your baby needs to eat, sometimes you’re just gonna whip out the boob and give baby what they need. Follow along for her story and some adorable feeding photos.

TELL ME A LITTLE ABOUT HOW YOU FEED YOUR BABY

Feeding my second baby has been a new journey for me. I didn’t get to directly breastfeed my first, so while I knew what to do with my supply, it was a learning curve getting comfortable with feeding her. While we were fortunate to not have latch issues (or supply issues) comfort and positioning were a whole other ballgame. That boppy pillow I never thought I’d use? It’s my best friend at home, but on the go? That was harder to figure out. It took me about 2 months to really figure out when, where, and how we were both most comfortable with our feedings. Today, our family took a walk and I was comfortable enough to feed her on the go. I felt like a champ all over again.

IS THIS THE WAY YOU HAD IMAGINED FEEDING YOUR BABY? TELL ME WHAT THAT LOOKED LIKE

Honestly, yes. It’s been a dream. While Iris isn’t able to empty me and usually doesn’t have to change sides, this is what I wanted with my first. I didn’t understand when people who breastfed said they developed a bond with their baby over it. Now I get it, because when she’s eating and she looks up and smiles at me, it’s the most heartbreaking and heartwarming thing I’ve ever experienced.

HOW DID YOU HAPPEN TO SETTLE ON THIS METHOD OF FEEDING

I always wanted to breastfeed. First of all, let’s be real, it’s cheaper than formula. I liked the idea of not having to spend a ton of money on something that I could (conceivably) make myself. After having my first I knew supply wouldn’t be an issue, so I hoped with Iris I would be able to do both bottle and breast. Well, she only takes the breast – not interested in the bottle. This makes having anyone else feed her nearly impossible* but I’m happy I’ve been able to experience this.
*She will SOMETIMES take a bottle from Grandma or Daddy, but it’s rare.

WHAT WERE YOUR THOUGHTS ON INFANT FEEDING BEFORE YOU BECAME A MOTHER?

I’ve always been a “to each their own” kind of girl. I never want(ed) to put restrictions on myself or others. There is no “right way” to feed your baby. The important thing is your baby is fed and you are both feeling loved and cared for by those around you. Being a new mother is hard enough, let alone all the pressures we put on ourselves and each other. There is no room for judgment in how you choose to feed your kids, in my opinion.

HOW HAS FEEDING YOUR BABY THIS WAY MADE YOU A BETTER PERSON?

I think it’s made me the mother I need to be for Iris. I didn’t ever want to force one thing or another on my babies and that includes my boobs. When my first didn’t want any part of the breast, I didn’t “try to make it work” because he was perfectly fine with drinking breastmilk from the bottle and I was perfectly fine with pumping. Was it what I envisioned? No, but it worked and it didn’t create extra stress for me or my baby. I got news for you mama, MANY things from here on out are not going to go as planned. Try not to stress yourself out by building things up in your head about the way things “should be”. “The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry.” For both you and babies sakes, go with the flow as much as you can.

WHAT TYPES OF COMMENTS (GOOD AND BAD) HAVE LEFT AN IMPRESSION ON YOU?

Honestly – I shrug a lot of stuff off. Good and Bad. It’s probably not a good trait, but I learn best by experiencing things for myself. And I learned a long time ago not to let the opinions of others influence me. It’s not what I’m about. I’ll always listen to advice and sometimes I keep it in mind, but sometimes I forget. I get wrapped up in the moment. Maybe it’s ignorant, but I’ve faired pretty well so far.

WHAT KIND OF ROLE HAS YOUR PARTNER PLAYED IN FEEDING YOUR BABY?

My husband was bummed when our second only wanted the breast. He was amazing with our first and would get up with him at night for feedings, even though he woke early for work. But he still gets up with me at night and gets me water, or the pillow, or just makes sure I’m comfortable. Sometimes if I need to pump he stays up just to hold her. It’s been a real blessing.

ANY ADVICE FOR FUTURE MOMMAS?

Do YOU. Ask for help when you need it. Acknowledge your feelings, good and bad. TALK about it. Talk THROUGH it. Find a safe space and try not to be afraid. You’re never as alone as you think you are.

April 18, 2019